August 3rd 2009 when my marriage died for a season

(I wrote this August 3^rd 2009 After my marriage died for a season)

Sometimes it seems as if I am drowning deeper and deeper into darkness
My hands are lifted up and I am crying out and saying I don’t get it what’s
Happening what am I doing wrong?
I am still sinking my hands still reaching upward, saying God where are you
Why don’t I feel you it’s dark down here I can’t breath where are you, I’m
Drowning in my own self pity.
I hear a voice speaking to me saying, with your hands out stretched say Father
Abba help me here I am and I did he reached down and touched my hand and
Said to me this is the way walk in it. (Isaiah 30:21)
In the midst of my affliction and all recent trials you were there you have directed
me to verses I never new existed you are my savior my anchor.
You have carried me thus far.
My heart and hands reached up to heaven and said father I choose life
I choose you as my strength and my foundation. you have carried me thus far.
Your light shines through me now, where there was darkness there is none
You are my life you are my love you are my hope my everything.
I know you are my Lord and King and that you are always there for me.

       Hallelujah.
                                                                  Written By Jerrie Cottrell

Peoples Church My True Family

They couldn't have picked a better name for this quaint

little church.

I have never met such a group of loving and caring people in my entire life.

They are truly the type of believers that Christ speaks about in the bible

they accept you for who you are and they love with out condition.

The Pastor and his wife they interact with the body they don't put them

selves above or below they show us that they love and hurt and get mad

just like the rest of us. They take the time to answer the phone and talk

with you they aren't untouchable like so many other congregation's where

it takes a act of congress to reach them.

I have been attending there for five years, that is the longest that I have ever

stayed in one spot. What keeps me there is the people and God of course.

Let me give you an example why:

Just recently I had to move back to Longview, Wa. due to circumstances out of

my control. Longview is a 45 minute drive from Vancouver where the Church

is located anyway I felt that I needed to find a church in Longview and build a

fellowship base here so i stopped attending at peoples and starting losing contact

with my family there and when I say family I don't mean blood I really mean

a family that loves you and cares about what happens to you.

Well finding a church here wasn't going so hot I was slowly drifting away from

any contact with a fellowship base and I had stopped my prayer time and study

time and that right there is the foundation that I thrived on i was losing hope and

my faith I was afraid to pick up a phone and call anyone of my friends @ peoples

because I felt I needed to move on to a new chapter in my life. 

"just to let you know that is what Satan wanted me to believe."

Because I believed that lie I ended up in the worst depression of my life. I found

myself in the hospital for three days and on a antidepressant that my husband 

and I call Satan's drug along with anti anxiety drug that put me in a 10 day black

out. when I came out of that I was in worse shape than when I started this crap.

 I got a phone call one day from my best friend wanting to know if I was ok

because I had deleted my face book account and that had sent warning flags to my 

family at Peoples church, That's all it took for me I broke down and told her all

the crap I was going through. She and her Husband came up to where we live

and took us to dinner and visited for I hadn't been able to eat in days and that

day was no exception I was trying to function but is was very difficult. 

After that day I went down hill my faith had taken a dive I started questioning every

decision that I had made that was faith based, I started hearing voices, seeing things

and had become extremely paranoid my blood pressure had sky rocketed  I felt as

I had lost all touch of reality I ended up at my husbands moms house for three days

because i was scared to go home I lived in fear day and night. Finally i made it home

I hadn't slept or ate in days i had been in and out of the hospital every other day.

When the paranoia set in I remembered reading the side effects of this drug they put

me on Celexa and all the symptoms I was having had to due with that and the anxiety

meds they had me on. So I stopped them and was sick for weeks. I got a phone call

 from my friend again wanting to know if I was okay and at first I said yes and then

I broke and started crying and couldn't talk and she says to me do you want me to

come and get you at first I was reluctant but I heard God say yes and then I said to

her please come I need my family, I have never felt so alone and was ashamed to

admit it knowing deep down inside I wasn't.  At any rate she was at my place with

in 45 Min's.

The plan was that I was going to go to church that night but my body had other ideas

I called my Dr. there in Vancouver because i wanted to get info on something so on our

way to church we stopped by there while I was there I had my blood pressure taken

 it was something like 160/108/ 81   So Yet again I ended up in the hospital I told my

friend to go to church and have everyone pray for me.

It turns out that Iwas going throughsome serious withdraws from the medication that

the Drs. had so abrubtly taken me off of thank God they weren't narcotics because of the

bad reaction I was having with them to begin with I really believe that Satan was just

having a big party at my expense LOL.

I am greatful for my family at peoples Church because they were there when I needed

them. God is an amazing God, my family there let me know I am loved and that I was missed

and I should have never left to begin with they are willing to sacrifice thier time and thier

gas to come and get and to have me spend the weekend if need be to make it to chior and

chruch that is true love and scarifice.of ones time. That is how I see Jesus that is the person 

I read about in the Bible . This is the body of Christ that I believe Paul speaks about this is

about a relationship with Jesus and his flock.

Jesus is the best thing that has ever happened to me evreything else is a bonus

because he loves us.